Disappointment

Today I left the teens behind... I have been alive for 1/5th of a century..can I believe that. I spent the first twelve hours of my birthday... the next four lounging about and enjoying some delicous cake my cousin was kind enough to spoil me with. I think My life has been a disappointment. Honestly every dream I have had every plan I have had has never worked out. I tell myself everyday I am not going to let the circumstances of my life determine my outcome and today I can't help but think...I dont care anymore. I am twenty years old and I dont care if I live any longer. For me there is nothing to be excited about because everytime i do get excited about something it lets me down...even down the the smallest things such as dates with a guy...to the biggest thing like my parents helping me with college. Maybe I just have bad karma... I did something awful in another life.... Or maybe I am just not as special as i think Maybe i am. What ever the case is i think I give up today. I am going to go to bed.