Disappointment

Today I left the teens behind... I have been alive for 1/5th of a century..can I believe that. I spent the first twelve hours of my birthday... the next four lounging about and enjoying some delicous cake my cousin was kind enough to spoil me with. I think My life has been a disappointment. Honestly every dream I have had every plan I have had has never worked out. I tell myself everyday I am not going to let the circumstances of my life determine my outcome and today I can't help but think...I dont care anymore. I am twenty years old and I dont care if I live any longer. For me there is nothing to be excited about because everytime i do get excited about something it lets me down...even down the the smallest things such as dates with a guy...to the biggest thing like my parents helping me with college. Maybe I just have bad karma... I did something awful in another life.... Or maybe I am just not as special as i think Maybe i am. What ever the case is i think I give up today. I am going to go to bed.

Well I'm Not Changing The Name

I am not in the Army anymore... Thanks to my crazy self. I sometimes wonder what the heck was I thinking. I think of rejoining almost everyday. I do not want to go into MI again. I secretly want to be an army diver... but its a field not big on women...and I am not sure if I want to willingly subject myself to that. Just a thought.

To catch up: After my discharge I went to my hometown and just vegetated... I did nothing and I'm not going to lie...It was wonderful. Near the end of April I decided I better start doing something with my life... So I thought about getting a job... That's about all I did through the middle of may. At the end of may I decided to move in with my gma in southern Utah... maybe get a job, a place of my own, even think about going to school. So I went. My gma didn't agree with my dog... so three weeks later I left... and moved in with my then boyfriend pat in SLC. BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD idea. We always argued... didn't get along, our life's dreams are totally different and I found out he is rarely honest with me about where he is and whom he is with. Well I let this bother me to the point I couldn't take it anymore... and at that time an army friend invited me to Florida to start a new.

I would have a place to stay until the end of September. Plenty of time to get a job and place to live. So I drove cross country... stopped in Austin TX to see my aunt and long lost cousin. Loved it there. Even got a few job offers. But I decided to stick with my original plan and carry on to Florida... Well since I have been here my car has broken down, my phone turned off, and I have applied for over then job with no calls back. And my friends plans have changed and they are leaving this weekend. I kinda screwed myself in coming here. You see my family and I...we are practically estranged... There was a big family fight... I wont go into the gruesome details. The end result being we no longer talk... and my mother doesn't consider me one of her children. So here I am in Florida.. broke...with a bum car... and soon to lose my home... I am going back to Texas... I luckily have just enough gas money to get there. It will be a twenty hour drive. Ill post again to let y'all know (I'm pretty sure y'all is maybe two people) how the next stage in my adventure away from home goes.

Finally

This is me and my battle buddy. I was dropping her off at the airport for xmas leave!

This is my bunkmate and best friend (Jacki) here in ait being dorks. People say we look alike but we don't see it...

This is a picture of my bunk... very savvy!!!

Well sorry it has taken me soooo long to post anything. I don't really have internet access here... aka i don't have a laptop and i can't access blogspot on military computers. Anywho I have started classes. 8 hour powerpoint presentations everyday. Lots of fun. Not really. I am doing well. Christmas rocked my socks off. I am meeting good people here to be my friends. I can't tell you much about my classes...but right now we are learning the basics of the military that they don't teach you in basic. Symbology, conventional opereating evironment, legal, nato, things like that. Love you all!!!

Graduations is Over

Well I finally did it. I graduated basic training. I am on my way to arizona at the moment and i will get there about 930 pm arizona time. I had my company commander come up to me this morning individually and tell me how proud he was of me for stickin through this all. It was a special way to kick off the end of basic training.

I passes the pt test

I passed the physical fitness test today. the end of cyle very important one. i did 47 push ups in two minutes. 72 sit ups in two minutes, and finally i ran 2 miles in 16 minutes and 30 seconds. booo yaaa!!!! i got a score of 281 over all. a passing score is 180 and a perfect score is 300 so i did pretty good. I m not going to lie though i about died lol. not really but it felt like it!

Back In Basic

Hey I am back in basic trianing. Thats a good thing. I will graduate november14 and be off to ait the next day. I am really excited.

Hello

Hello everyone. My blogs are going to be pretty boring for a while. Until i can get my own computer to put pictures up. Its just more for y'all to check in on me I guess.

I joined the army in may. Left for basic training on June 24. I am in the national guard for 8 yrs

Right now I am in south Carolina. I was in basic training until I injured myself. I had two weeks left. Anyways I am in a healing unit until i pass the fitness test. (Soon I hope) Then I finish my training and I'm off to advanced individual training in Arizona. I am going to be an interrogator. I hope its not going to be too hardcore. I also get to go to the defense language college in Monterrey California to learns Spanish.

When I am done I get to go back to Utah. I will probably go to Iraq.....I don't want to but It is something I have thought a lot about and I signed my name on that line. I miss everyone and hope you are all doing well.